>The Loveliest Day of the Year

>Ok, Valentine’s Day is supposed to be the ultimate love holiday, right? Well guess who woke up this morning and forgot it was Valentine’s Day. I mean it’s not like I’ve not been hitting MySpace friends with my little ditty (see below). But seriously, I woke up and stumbled my way to the eye doctor and then on to work. So why would a romance writer forget the holiest of days in romance?

Quite frankly, I didn’t feel like celebrating love! I was more interested in my little self-pity party. I don’t know why I invited myself to the party. Nothing bad has happened to me personally, in fact a couple of nice things have come my way in the recent weeks. And yet, I’ve been bluer than blue for more than a week now. That’s what bipolarism does to you. Normal people just feel a little blue, people with bipolar disorder feel like the world is going to end, and they have no way to keep the asteroid from hitting earth. It’s the ultimate sensation of no control, no power over anything in your life. It can be really debilitating.

I hit deepest low spot Wednesday about mid-day. I blew up at my boss (NOT a good thing), I wanted to scream like a banshee at my desk (primeval screaming is something I should try), and it was impossible to find a sword to take off the heads of people who generally just annoy me most other times. That’s the horrible thing about bipolarism. You have no control over what the chemical imbalance will do to your emotions. Then something broke. It wasn’t some epiphany or anything like, but sometime told me I’d reached the lowest of the lows. Then minute by agonizing minute, I was climbing out of the snake pit. (Could it be because I watched the Indiana Jones movie trailer…NOT)

So what does my little pity party have to do about writing? Well, it’s been a long time since I’ve sunk into this low of a valley. I’ve been worried, stress and depressed over the past year, but throughout this terrible, bleak existence I’ve been living over the past few weeks, I’ve had one thing to keep me going. While I love my family there are just some things they can’t provide me with. True fulfillment comes from within, which is something only my writing can offer, and I HAVE written. Not for extended periods of time in one sitting, but daily.

And THAT my friends is the point of this post. It’s a MAJOR accomplishment, triumph actually, that I’ve continued to write over the past several months. I’ve managed to keep on writing even though I didn’t feel like I had the strength to do so. I wanted just to put the pen aside and forget I ever thought about being published. And yet, I’ve written every single damn day, and it’s been my lifeline. I’ve clung to that line, and all the while I kept asking myself “so tell me again why is it exactly that you write, Monica?

The only answer I had was this…”Because I can’t live without writing.”

I just can’t.

Do I want the limelight, the ability to write full-time without feeling drained at night from a full-time day job, to stop feeling like I’m burning the candles at both ends. Absolutely, but here’s where the rubber meets the road. Even if I don’t become as successful as I’d like, I still can’t live without writing. It’s a lifeline no amount of meds or counseling could equate too. Yesterday I touched the door of hell, but my writing pulled me out of the murky depths just in time. There truly is a God, because only a Creator would see the benefit of blessing me with a curse and a gift in the same breath. A gift to rejoice in and the curse to keep me humble. Ahhh…I’m a Libra, does anyone see the irony in that statement?

So what do you see your writing doing for you? Is it a lifeline, the air you breathe, manna from heaven? This bipolar mind wants to know how normal people feel about the topic.

Monica <--glad to be back in the land of the normal.P.S. Congratulations to Anne Cain, my wonderful cover artist!! She won the ARI over at The Romance Studio for Best Cover, which just happens to be the cover of Mirage!!! Congrats to a great artist and truly lovely woman!

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About Monica Burns

A bestselling author of erotic romance, Monica Burns penned her first short romance story at the age of nine when she selected the pseudonym she uses today. From the days when she hid her stories from her sisters to her first completed full-length manuscript, she always believed in her dream despite rejections and setbacks. A workaholic wife and mother, Monica believes it’s possible for the good guy to win if they work hard enough.

4 thoughts on “>The Loveliest Day of the Year

  1. >Ohhh, Maria….I LOVE that last line of yours…”the obstacles in our lives make us better story tellers.”

    Thank you for such a GREAT response!!
    and thank you for your kind wishes.

    Monica <---whose day was actually quite good. I laughed quite a bit!*grin*

  2. >Writing is exploration to me. It’s the process more than the end result that keeps me intrigued.

    Sorry you had a bad spot, Monica. But glad you’re better.

    I’ve always felt it’s the obstacles in our lives that make us better story tellers.

    {{Hugs}}

  3. >More for you to read…LOL That’s a lovely comment. Thank you for that support, and thanks for posting.

    Hugs, Monica

  4. >You know that’s what reading is for me. One of the main reasons I read is to escape the world around me when I feel like I can’t take it anymore. About one week a month I go through my poor me, don’t want to look at another face, everything sets me off faze. Yes it does go hand in hand with my PMS but it really sucks and it normally takes a few days to figure out what’s wrong with me.

    I’m glad that your writing helped pull you out (which means more for me to read :o) and that there were no swords close by at work :o) I hope your feeling better.