First my apologies for not posting last week. Yeah, I know, it’s not like I’m JK Rowling with the multitudes waiting for me to speak. *grin* But I was sick last week with a bad cold (still recovering), had to work and I suffered a death in the family, so over all, last week was a crappy week (so far this week it’s not been a cake walk either). The holidays can be so overwhelming sometimes. Makes you wonder why we feel the need to push to get everything done. Is it the responsibility we feel to make Christmas a memorable one for our kids (and the bigger kids such as our spouse or significant other)? What about the need to write, write and write more, and yet being so exhausted that you can’t seem to drag yourself to the computer.
Highs and Lows
I guess I’m coming down off the high I had a couple of weeks ago with Mirage’s Top Pick from Romantic Times BOOKreviews and Mirage being selected for a Hot Read for a Chilly Night on Michelle Buonfiglio’s Romance B(u)y the Book portal over on Lifetime TV’s website. Being bipolar can make coming off a high feel like you’re falling off a cliff. Medication helps control it fairly well, but it’s still a jolt to the system. Truthfully, I never realized how needy I am. Okay maybe I realized it, but I just never wanted to admit it. I want people to love my work. It’s a validation, and yet, isn’t a “real” writer supposed to be satisfied with their achievement? The achievement of writing the best book they possibly could write at a particular point in time? But then the pressure of writing for a living can actually cause one to be in a quandary. Be satisfied with what you get or write, write, write to achieve something higher up the food chain.
Wanting to Write What You Love, Not What Sells
I came up with three new ideas this weekend, but they’re all historicals. I know I’m supposed to be writing paranormal, but my heart is telling me that historicals are going to be making a comeback, and I need to be ready. And being ready is like a four-letter read for me at the moment. My family just doesn’t seem to “get it.” Noise is NOT the best friend of most writers. I can write to music, but when the vacuum’s running, the DH is hollering for the kids to do their chores, or the kids are bickering with one another, it’s enough to drive me insane.
What’s the point to this post you ask? Pretty much nothing, I’m just feeling blue, frustrated and wishing I could write faster and better. Then maybe things would move faster for me, and I wouldn’t feel like I’m chasing the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Maybe I’ve set my goals to high—set myself up for failure, and yet I’m not sure that’s the case. I’ve always felt confident in my writing ability, but it’s the business end I seem to be less than savvy about. I just don’t seem to get it. Maybe I’m too old to learn new tricks. Whatever is holding me back, I’d sure as hell like to figure it out because I love to write. I love telling stories, and I’m trying to figure out which is going to get me that big sale faster. Writing more and not promoting OR balancing my writing and promoting in equal parts.
Then again writing the great American Romance Novel or the Great American Novel is what I really want to do. I want posterity. I imagine that goal can be a definite factor in setting one up for failure. I guess what’s really wrong is that I’m frustrated and I haven’t figured out why. I keep reminding myself about Margaret Mitchell and her one-book-wonder, Gone with the Wind. What a TOUGH spot she was in, and it had to be depressing as hell.
So what frustrates you about writing? Is it that you’ve not met your goals? Is it that you want it now or are you one of those lucky few who don’t get frustrated (and if you tell me that you’re apt to have me contact Guido in NY *grin*).