>For the past week, I’ve been in a funk. I’ve managed to lose myself in my stories if only to find a sanctuary of sorts. The reason for my blues is something that happened a week ago today. An online friend, who lives near me, lost her five-year-old daughter in an accidental drowning. Whenever a friend of mine loses a loved one, I tend to feel it deeply. I’m not sure that’s a good thing. I interpret it to mean that I’ve not completely processed all my grief at the loss of my parents, my grandmother and my second child by miscarriage. I often wonder if I’m alone in feeling things too deeply.
Last Thursday, my friend Rachel saw one of the lights in her life wink out abruptly and painfully. I’m not a part of Rachel’s inner circle of friends, but if I were, I would be truly blessed to be included in this woman’s loving presence. However, I am part of an extended circle of friends that quickly surrounded her this past week as a support system for her and her family. Rachel is a very special woman. It’s one of the reasons why her daughter Hannah was so special.
For me, the toughest thing about Hannah’s death is the guilt. And considering that I’m part Italian and my mother was Catholic, I know guilt well. *grin* I feel guilty that I’ve not lived my life as well as this little girl did. Sure, she was only five when she died, but she had a joie de vivre that not all kids have. I think Hannah’s soul knew she was here for only a short time and her purpose was a special one. I truly believe Hannah was here to take joy in everything around her and spread that joy to others. That’s a gift few people have. They say only the good die young, and I’m pretty much convinced of that statement.
I got to know Hannah over the last year or more visiting Rachel’s blog on different occasions. I didn’t get there often, but whenever I read about Hannah and Lily, the stories made me smile and/or empathize with Rachel on numerous occasions.
Although Rachel isn’t a writer working toward publication, she is a writer whose work comes straight from the heart. Her posts since Hannah’s death have touched so many around the world. They’ve been inspirational, touching, heart-breaking and filled with the type of love I could only hope to emulate. The words in her posts are poetic and beautiful on so many levels. Maybe it’s because I’m a Mom that they touch me so, but I don’t think so. As a writer, I know the power of words. I understand how words that come straight from the heart have the power to move mountains.
Rachel’s strength is far greater than my own. I doubt seriously that I would have been able to see all the positive in the face of such tragedy. I think I’m too self-centered. Rachel isn’t. But, because of Hannah’s death, I’m trying to make changes in my own life. Will I succeed? I don’t know. It’s hard for an old dog to learn new tricks. Still, making the effort is a step in the right direction.
So if you want to read some beautiful writing, visit Rachel’s blog. It’s called Life with Hannah and Lily. This link will take you to the first post after Hannah’s death, and you move up the posts on the left-hand side. http://hannahandlily.blogspot.com/2007/07/angel-girl.html